It has been a long time, hello there!
In the past few months, the most common question that I have to answer is:
“so, how is married life?”
Initially and perhaps instinctively, the answer is always ‘good!’ and silence follows. I couldn’t elaborate further because I didn’t know what to say. I know it was good, but I just did not know how to describe it. Hence, finally, after some time, (ok, maybe after a year of being married) I decided to pen it down somewhere. That way, I have a more complete answer, but also at the same time (largely in fact) for myself. To always remind myself of this great and godly man I married (whom at this present moment, is directly in front of me, totally oblivious about me writing about us)
So, here’s are my thoughts… on why/how married life is good/great/a blast!
Firstly, we are the best #TEAM. I looked beside me and I see my best friend, laughing at my (horrible) jokes, telling me how his day went (although most of the time I know since we worked in the same company) and sharing all our inner thoughts – both good and bad. I distinctively remember one night, when both of us were so troubled by something that happened in the day. We were so troubled that we couldn’t sleep. So that night, we knew what we needed to do. We sat and prayed. we lifted our troubles to God and poured out our hearts. It reminded me of not only what God could do (He really came through for us – that’s another story altogether) but it also reminded me of how two people can put a thousand to flight. Together, we were so much stronger, so much more faith-filled.
Secondly, we inspire each other. We all know that life brings us to the mountain top and to the valleys. More often than not, we take turns being at the valley. When that happens, there is another person to pull you up. To remind you that there is something bigger than your problems. To not be self-centred and just think about you and your problems. To be bigger, to dream much more, to go somewhere further, to have a little faith. To have that person is God’s blessing. Having a godly partner does that for you. He is like the friends of the paralytic man who brought him to Jesus for a miracle – just that he is all 4 rolled into 1.
Thirdly, marriage made us less self-centred. Dating and marriage is way different. You learn to cope with each other quirks and habits in a much larger scale. For me, I have to coil all my cables because he cannot take it (ok, sometimes, i don’t do it and he just ends up doing it. HAHA). For him, he has to pack everything into nice neat boxes because I cannot take it if it is not packed nicely. That’s just one of the many things we have learnt to deal with each other. The selfish person would expect the other person to change. But the truth is, we, ourselves need to change. We have to be the right partner before we can find the right partner. (quote: Pastor How from Learning & Choosing to be the Right Life Partner) So, we learn to be less self centred. What can I do to make the marriage better? What can I do to help him grow? If we learn to think for each other more and less about ourselves, I find that we argue lesser and love more.
There’s so much more, but I think for me, these are the 3 main benefits! Perhaps we never really know a 100% that he is the ‘right one’ or if there is someone out there thats the ‘right one’. BUT I am 100% of one thing. I have chosen him and he has chosen me. So for better for worse, HE IS THE RIGHT ONE. WE MAKE IT WORK.
Love you to the moon and back, J. ❤
Life is often faced with many decisions. We need to decide on so many issues – big or small and sometimes we meet some cross roads where we wonder to ourselves how do I make the decisions. You try asking around so many people, but yet at the end of the day, you still ask yourself: to do or not to do?
Recently I have been having toying with a particular idea and I was really uncertain about it due to some reasons. However, last weekend, I learnt how to make decisions.
Logic is good, but not entirely accurate. Emotions is good, but we all know how volatile that can be. Money is good, but it isn’t everything. We need to make decisions based on our FAITH.
Unknowingly, fear crept into my heart I when I was trying to make that decisions, fear creeps in so subtly that sometimes we don’t even realized it is coming for us. It makes us go the ‘safe way’ all the time, deceiving us into thinking that is the right choice when we are meant form something bigger and greater. So, don’t be fearful! Be faithful! Go forth and dream big! After all, I thought to myself, what do I have to lose?
‘Why sit here and die?’ These words from the sermon spoke straight into my heart that day. Fear should not be allowed to kill dreams and hope. Faith should come in instead and make the unseen possible, the impossible possible. Im not going to be a sitting duck, I am going to make faith filled decisions even if it scares me to death. As how John Wimber puts it so perfectly…
I am scared to death, just like I was a new christian all over again, but I’ll go with you.
You are the pearl of great price. I am not crazy, I am just faith filled.
LOVE. A beautiful word. More often than not, misused and misrepresented.
Last Saturday, while attempting to explain what is a diary entry, my students as me, ever so innocently (and ever curious to know)…
student A: “Are you married yet, Ms Sam?”
student B: “No, you already call her Ms Sam, how can she be married? You know married, we have to call her Mrs Sam!”
student C: “means she is not married? Why Ms Sam, why?”
student B: “maybe she hasn’t found someone to love, need time you know…”
I laughed to myself as they are always trying to guess and find out. However, since we have that little time in class to talk about other things, I decided to ask them what their view on love is. Many seem to associate the word ‘LOVE’ as an emotion.
Love isn’t just an emotion. It encompasses more than that. It is a decision. It is to give.
Love pushes you to give. You cannot help it. You just do it.
While many try to find the perfect love/the one/the soul mate, I know that we must first be filled with love. If we are not filled with love, then how can we give? how can we make a decision that requires us to be selfless? It is impossible. I tried that… All I had in return was a monster growing inside that wanted more. More of everything… When the ‘more’ becomes overwhelming, that’s when it all stops. Suddenly, your world comes crushing down, you are again at the start where you once thought you were going somewhere. The vicious cycle starts again.
Right at that bottom of the circle, I found my first love.
Was it an emotion? Yes.
Did it last? No.
It grew from an emotion, to a decision, to a conviction.
My first love anchored in me a love so deep, it never runs dry.
My first love brought me out of darkness and into the light.
My first love taught me to understand,
My first love gave me mercy and grace.
My first love empowered me to learn how to give.
My first love sacrificed his all for me.
My first love – Jesus.
So I have learnt… LOVE is not an emotion. LOVE is a decision to give. He was willing to give His all for me.
It took a while in the past to understand that LOVE ain’t merely an emotion, but I’m glad that sitting in years of preaching in Heart of God Church as taught me well. Thankful that I belong to a great church who has such powerful, impactful, life-changing sermons. Learning from my Pastors and seeing how they live their lives, inspires me to be just like that. They LOVE God, LOVE people, LOVE life. A life that’s worth living for. That’s for another entry, another time.. Haha.
I think that in that 15mins of talking about love, the students understood that LOVE is something so much more. At least, one of them could come up and tell me… “you know Ms Sam, I think I need to love more. I’m always thinking about myself.”
As I prepare for the crazy crazy June holidays, I remind myself that tomorrow, LOVE (give) a little more!
True to the title of my wordpress, it is midnight… or past midnight… Like I have mentioned, a picture speaks a thousand words. So here in a single picture, captures my thoughts for the night. Talk about summary writing eh? I would have scored the best.. as long as I have google. I can’t draw for nuts.
Anyway, back to the main point… (I always get distracted.. sigh.. need to fix that… here it goes again…)
I have always believed that we should be doers of the word of God and not just hearers. After listening to 2 parts of the fig tree by my Pastors, I decided to act on it. This morning I (by some miracle, moved my butt out of bed), managed to find time to do so! Boy! Am I glad I did!
Tuesdays are generally busy at work. Teach, attempt to clear as much marking as possible, prep for the new cycle of classes and before you know it 930pm hits. Remembering how Pastor How shared that we shouldn’t tell God how big our problem is but how BIG our God is! I spent time under my fig tree doing just that. I thanked God for many things in my life.. Family, Church, His goodness, work, colleagues, my bed (yes, it is that important: think about the day when YOU HAVE NO BED OK!) and the list goes on… My heart began to fill up slowly but surely. I cannot begin to fully explain the joy that filled my heart, but I was just so thankful that immediately my day started to feel less rigorous. Perhaps it is when you begin to count your blessings that life begins to turn back and smile at you. I know it is a simple act, but sometimes it is those simple moments in life that catch you and turn your day around. Here I am, still smiling to myself about how I started my day right.
It is quite interesting to see that isn’t it? Those small simple moments that you have with God are not only precious but they change you in little ways that you least expect it. I guess that’s why spending time under the fig tree is crucial. It is not even important, it is crucial. It literally changes your life.
Never underestimate the time spent under the fig tree. When you step in to meet God, He comes and meet you too.